When it seems God is missing

When it seems God is missing
08.13.08

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it
an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your
faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.

So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will
be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
- James 1:2-4

Earlier this evening, as I was thinking about my current life status – no, not the single, or “in a relationship” status; I could not help but wonder where God is in the events that surround my life at the moment. I thought to myself “where is God?” I know that he’s here, I know that his word says that he loves me and that he has a good plan for my life, but there is this undeniable absence that has been troubling me greatly.

Relentlessly pursuing God through doing my devotions, God has been leading me, guiding me through questions and answers, and, in a way, keeping me reaching after him. Even though frustrating defiant feelings of abandonment sweep through my heart, filling my thoughts with anger and certain disappointment, I calm myself. I lay down and I begin to pray. A book of my favorite author slapped across my face, dimming the light of the lamp above me, I speak out to God in my head – most of which is silence followed by subtle sighs.

As the silence between us grows, I decided to open the book and begin to read the first chapter. I’ve read it at least four times by now, but I read it again. “Listen” it says, and goes on speaking about learning the first lesson of success, using Martha and Mary from the book of Luke as it’s opening and primary example. Unadmittingly, I was looking to just get through the chapter and move on to play “Army of Two.” But since I was already reading it, I decided to slow down and attempt to take in what was being taught through its message.

It’s a good thing that I did, because God began to speak to me through Pastor Wayne Cordeiro’s book – The Seven Rules of Success. He quotes an excerpt from John Ortberg’s book titled Love Beyond Reason:

“An unweaned child is a noisy child. The unweaned child has learned that eventually noise leads to the satisfying of his desires. And even if it doesn’t right away, the noise itself seems to bring him some type of relief. At least it makes others as miserable.
The weaned child, on the other hand, has learned that the presence of his mother is more than just gaining immediate gratification. This child has become capable of stillness and can have a whole new communication with his mother because now the mother is more than simply someone who exists to satisfy his needs or take away his hunger...Weaning means learning to live in stillness with unfulfilled desires for a while, but it is a mark of maturity, isn't it?”

A chord in my heart is struck, this is the answer; God has answered me. To be honest, the feelings of abandonment, and months of unanswered prayers I’ve been enduring, sure does not feel good. Moments of panic and disheartenment are not something that I treasure or look forward to, especially when this is “real-life.” But God is God, who can tell him what to do and be more right, or more loving in their answer or motive, than God?

You can be sure that I’ve complained more than once to God, said things that I won’t repeat here, and even tried to “pick a fight” with God. I’m not perfect, and believe it or not, frustration is frustrating. But I did not stop seeking after God, nor did I stop praying. I’ve learned to seek God with more intensity, and even worship God when so much stress and painful events surround me. It is hard to sing “You alone are God, I am yours and you are mine, and I know the heavens will call out your name if I don’t,” when you don’t even know where God is. There was, and still is, difficulty giving God praise and thanking him when there are “big pieces” of the puzzle to my life missing.

Then I remembered that God has already paid the price for my mistakes by coming down in human form, allowed his son Jesus to die in my place; I do have much to be thankful for, God has given me much already.

Is it right for God to wean us like he does at times?

I remember when I used to take swimming lessons when I first began to learn. The swimming instructor would back away a foot or two and then call out for me to swim to him. Trusting him, I would swim, and he would then help me back to the wall. This continued till I was proficient at that distance. One day, seeing him back out to the same distance, he called out to me to swim towards him again. Thinking, “I got this,” I begin to swim. One foot...two feet, no instructor, where did the bugga go? I look up, he’s right there. “I guess he slipped a little,” I thought, and got back to swimming. Another foot goes by – one foot is plenty for a small Filipino/ Hawaiian boy, so no laugh! – And I look up again, “What’s going on? My arms are getting tired!”

This time I don’t put my head down and begin to give the instructor “stink-eye” mixed with a look of panic, which should be sign to him that says “move again and I’m going to whack you.” By now I’m not really swimming anymore. I’m partly yelling, partly drowning, and am doing my new move the “claw-stroke” – where I’m going to try to claw your eyes out if I don’t drown first.

What seemed like forever, the instructor came and brought me back to safety. Just like a child being weaned to be more mature, my instructor was trying to get me to become more mature in my swimming. God does the same for us. Not to hurt us, or to cause pain, but so that we would mature in our faith and draw closer to him.

This past Sunday my pastor, Pastor Jim, asked a question that made me think. He asked, “Why do you think that the persecuted church grows, where as others don’t?” He did not give an answer, but I have one. It is because they have to rely on God more. Their maturity, faith, and beliefs are stretched, pruned, and are optimized to see the miraculous. Here, where there is virtually no persecution, and where everything you need is in a grocery store, we don’t rely on God as much. Yes, the miraculous does happen here and yes the church does grow here, but the difference between the persecuted church and the non-persecuted church are significant.

When we learn to rely on God more, when we seek him with all of our hearts for his will to be done, then it will be easier for God to move and we will see more of “God’s will being done on earth as it is in Heaven.”

Seek God through every season,

Ikaika Mossman